there’s an organ in my living room and my friends are playing harlequin baby songs and cooking a big meal and the christmas lights are on and it feels nice. my friends are nerds and i really love it. the inevitable splitting of our lives paths as we get older makes me feel emotional, but then again, i’ve found reasons to be preemptively nostalgic all my life.
i’ve had a little bit more coffee than usual this morning and hana is coming to town today. i think i’ve convinced my friends to come with me to storeyfest on saturday even though it makes us all a little depressed (no offense peeps who live there). the morning rush was not really rushed at all so i was writing in my notebook and i kept tearing up right when i customer would come; then i would put on my cheerful face and talk about the weather and if this week feels short or long or if today feels like friday or not, and all the other little things that i have been discussing every day for like two years.
sometimes i will find myself thinking these sad and archaic thoughts and then i think that i might as well be 16 again if i’m going to continue on with that kind of mindset. but even the realization doesn’t help to get out of it. i’m trying to prepare some reasonably articulate descriptions of what some joyride! songs are about, even though they’re all more or less about the same thing. but nonetheless. i could stand to muster up the courage and see how it feels to say something a little more literally for once.
i’m drinking beer in bed and trying to read game of thrones. the radio show i’m training on is kindof weird. indie bands trying to “make it” are just weird. shows in small rooms are nice. tomorrow we are screenprinting and jason is buying a van and our tapes should be here by tuesday so that’s exciting. i’m going to screenprint my awkward old navy jean jacket that i got at goodwill so that it is kindof like a pink ladies or t-birds jacket from grease, where i am reppin’ my team. or maybe i’ll get embarrassed or give it away. we’ll see.
it’s funny, a lot of things feel very fuzzy and far away, and i wonder if that in itself indicates a certain state, or if life will always be like this. there are some people that i really miss. despite a (fairly) distinctly different setting and scenery and state of mind and whatever else, i’m probably more or less the same as i used to be, but sometimes i can hardly imagine how my trains of thought used to run.
